i just wanna soil my oats bro
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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