I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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