and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
