Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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