i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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