"it" just moved
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
