dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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