okay pat passed out under dana's car
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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