I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
