i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
