we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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