Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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