Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And then my night got REAL pukey
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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