Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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