I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
