do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
