yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
