Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize