Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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