Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
