i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
