So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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