Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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