the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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