wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
