God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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