How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
