I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
MIDGETS
????
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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