just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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