I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
