So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
