I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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