You just made me feel so damn special
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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