Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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