I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
