thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
