the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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