She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
