I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
