Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
