apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize