This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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