Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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