I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize