I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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