i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
