I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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