oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's just like the Real World with babies
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How does it feel to date your dad?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
