The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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