the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
