Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
