I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
