just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
