she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
