I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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