Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
