meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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