omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
