either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
