I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
