Jerry, you need to find god
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
