I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
