The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
