ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
