Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize