so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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