Do vagina's smell?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
