I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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