FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
