Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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